Today my Mom would have been 57. Instead, she's forever 44. I was 17 when she died. I just couldn't comprehend how "superwoman" could be conquered. I spent many years in denial. It wasn't until I was a year and a half into therapy that I began to understand the depth of losing a mother, especially at that pivotal age. I was told early on by many people that time would make it easier. NOT true. My life has a huge hole in it. I still have moments when I completely break down sobbing because the sadness of missing her overwhelms me. I still get angry, too, thinking of what she's missing. Especially now that I'm a mother myself. I wish more than anything that she could have seen her children grow into adulthood. I wish she could hold her grandchildren and they could know her. She would have been an awesome Grandma. Now, I'm sure she's the best guardian angel ever;-) I also wish she could know Ryan. I wish he could see for himself what a ball of positive energy she was.
It baffles me that she has been gone almost 13 years. How is that possible? I can still hear her voice, feel her touch, and remember her smell. For whatever reason God called her to heaven, I know she's happy there. I know she's watching and taking care of us still. I take comfort in that. And the fact that we'll be together one day...for eternity...never having to say "goodbye" again.
I remember her last birthday. She was laying on the couch not feeling well. We baked her favorite Angel Food cake with marshmallow icing. I gave her a bottle of her favorite purfume, Red. I think Keri gave her a tape of "Beauty and the Beast". She loved that song. I don't remember what else she got. I do remember, though, that she was just happy we were all there couchside. I remember hoping when she blew out her candles that her wish would come true. Maybe it did, maybe it didn't. Mine didn't.
Anyway, I'd love for everyone to contribute to this website, for ourselves, other women, and her grandchildren. She deserves a tribute. The people of this world would be blessed to know of her. She was, in my eyes, the most wonderful woman who ever walked this earth. She touched many, many people. Cancer sucks! And if this website gets awareness out there and saves only one life...it is worth it. I feel this is something she would be proud of.
I love you, Mom
Angie
1 comment:
I did not have the privilege of knowing Jeannie Jackson, but I know her through her children. She was I can attest very special if she raised such sensitive, caring and loving young adults. My son and my family are blessed to have that connection with her.
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